I guess I have moved onto the next stage of grieving. Anger. Slowly but surely, the anger is creeping in, taking life from the extreme sadness I have harbored. I am angry that my spouse could toss away a 23 year relationship – on a whim – like fall leaves blowing in the wind. The relationship is shattered. I am still whole, very different, but whole. I resent the fact that I must now create a new life for myself. But I will. I get up every morning, give thanks, and focus on the day – only the day. I get through – most of the time with a little laughter sprinkled in. I wonder why guilt never showed up and said “Hey, what in the hell are you doing?” Or perhaps it did and the question fell on deaf ears.
I am angry because I am expected to say “Oh you made a mistake, okay”. How ridiculous is that? I am angry because winter is coming and that is my most difficult time of the year. What a journey this is going to be! I refuse to be destroyed by someone. Only I have the power to destroy myself. That is one thing, along with my faith, that has not been taken away. See, my little wagon is not empty after all.
Still waiting for the tears to fall – is that strange? What do you think?